So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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