All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
