As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
