Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize