I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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