It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
