ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize