Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
