I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life