Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
