Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.