Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.