Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  yo i have your phone

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  ... oh so you probably won't get this message

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  (202): yo i have your phone (202):... oh so you probably won't get this message http://tfl.nu/0ifv
  Replies (14) Good night (2198) Bad night (1039)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?

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  (870): Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits? http://tfl.nu/zxqx
  Replies (39) Good night (2348) Bad night (3122)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed

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  (781): I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed http://tfl.nu/sznd
  Replies (127) Good night (128781) Bad night (3246)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am

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  (360): there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am http://tfl.nu/on84
  Replies (26) Good night (5824) Bad night (835)
• Favorite

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.

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  (778): Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night. http://tfl.nu/vt5l
  Replies (8) Good night (3838) Bad night (1640)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.

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  (780): I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it. http://tfl.nu/t2hy
  Replies (12) Good night (1901) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.

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  (339): Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys. http://tfl.nu/p4yk
  Replies (20) Good night (6139) Bad night (849)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.

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  (870): I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer. http://tfl.nu/bxkb
  Replies (5) Good night (2240) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.

  (1-248): View more from Michigan

  I think we should measure in "bathtubs"

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  (248): I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery. (1-248): I think we should measure in "bathtubs" http://tfl.nu/kzc7
  Replies (3) Good night (1383) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.

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  (802): I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday. http://tfl.nu/gxw8
  Replies (7) Good night (1502) Bad night (498)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had

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  (304): 'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had http://tfl.nu/8hwk
  Replies (2) Good night (516) Bad night (1666)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.

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  (617): We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water. http://tfl.nu/gx4i
  Replies (2) Good night (949) Bad night (627)
• Favorite

  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.

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  (337): Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm. http://tfl.nu/b44z
  Replies (7) Good night (463) Bad night (715)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?

  (1-601): View more from Mississippi

  She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.

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  (601): Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes? (1-601): She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her. http://tfl.nu/le6w
  Replies (4) Good night (411) Bad night (260)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good

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  (570): As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good http://tfl.nu/3egx
  Replies (2) Good night (341) Bad night (190)

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