the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
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I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
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and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud