We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
please don't ironically join a cult
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