What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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