Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
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FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
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how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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