You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
