Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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