While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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