oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
