So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
