FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
