I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
