Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
