someone get that fucking seahorse.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
