So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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