We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
