I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
