he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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