My nipple is on Facebook.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
