we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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