OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
