I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
