i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
