I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
