I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you had me at cake vodka
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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