considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
