I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.