I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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