yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️