Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts