i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
