I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize