I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just blew my weed a kiss
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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