eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
