I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
