you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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