need another drink. this is the easiest way
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
