We got so high we made milksteak
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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