Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
