I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
