dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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