I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize