I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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