I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
