i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
