i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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