dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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