No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
