I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
