Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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