we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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