If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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