I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
