I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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