"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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