hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
