Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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