my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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