Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
