I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
