Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
