escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
