true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
