yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
