She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
