If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
