i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize