if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
