so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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