The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
