we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
