So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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