don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
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I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
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Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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