I'm eating all of the evidence.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
