God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
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I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
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He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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