u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
