we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
